Marriage Resource Center of Illinois Valley

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Relationship Myths
and why you should be glad they are not true

                     We just fell out of love...

       I call this a myth because you don't "fall" in love or "fall" out of love. Similarly you don't find a "soulmate". Love is not magic. It is not found. Love is created when you meet each other's needs.  Of course this happens most naturally when you first meet someone you are attracted to and put aside old friends and activities to focus on your new crush. After marriage everyday life creeps back and demands attention. It can be easy to put the marriage relationship on the back burner in order to focus on children, career, or the many other issues that demand your attention. Love seems to slip away.  Often even your perception of your spouse changes. Characteristics that you used to love about your spouse can now set you on edge.  For example, the spontaneity that once was so exciting and attractive now seems irritating and  irresponsible.


      There is hope.  Since you can create love by meeting needs, you can rekindle the love you had at the beginning of your relationship.  Most likely you may not even feel like meeting your spouse's needs at this point but I am sure you have done a lot of things that you don't feel like doing.  The thing is, when you start meeting each other's needs, you will soon notice a change in your feelings.  But the behavior comes first. If you wait for the feelings come before changing what you do, you will be waiting a long time.